How Do You Express Your Love To Your Children?
I often wonder if we, as parents, have expressed our love for our children the way they had longed for. Have we been the parents that matched their expectations? We believe we have been good parents. We believe in providing them with everything that we think they need, and making them independent to lead a wonderful life. Is that all that is required of us? Where did we get this model from? Our parents? Perhaps! We look back and see how our parents have treated us when we want to give our best to our child. We absorb what we consider pleasant that our parents have delivered to us and pass it on to our children. We also make up for what our parents have not been able to give us, in dealing with our children. Sometimes we are too blind to analyze if our parents ever went wrong and pass on the happiness, and the hurts, downwards. In our eagerness to be the good parent we always want to be, we tend to overlook the key aspect of affection delivery, the one about how our children perceive what we give them. We need to have a finger on their pulse all the time and respond in a manner that makes their horizon grow wider as they grow up!
That is not an easy task. Parenting is full of challenges. It is a lovely experience if you learn how to manage them. We need to learn to express our love to them by discovering their favorite expression of love. This will help them connect to you better as they grow.
Expression of love is not all about hugging, kissing, cajoling and cuddling together. It is about connecting each other all the time. What really matters is how you behave to them as well as to the others (you are being watched all the time!) during the off times... times when no hugs and kisses and physical expressions happen!
How do we make this happen? Today’s working parents are really hard pressed for time. With a hectic work schedule we are not often able to spend quality time with our children. Even when time is short here are a few ways you can convey your love to them.
•Listen to your child: Have you ever taken time to listen to your children? When you listen to them, stop what you are doing. Turn around, and be with them. Give them undivided attention.
Look into their eyes as you speak to them. In case you are busy on the phone, you can tell them you will be right back.
•Bed time stories: Read out to them when they go to bed or anytime they ask you to.
•Converse with them: Can you enjoy a conversation with your child? Listen to them without interpreting, criticizing or questioning them? When you do so they become more comfortable to approach you. Just listen to them without interrupting them.
•Be there for them: They need to know that you are there for them. Be actively present in their lives. It will make them feel protected and guided. They will be confident to venture into anything. It’s a memory that will last a life time.
•Treat them: Go for an outing , an holiday, zoo , an ice cream, pizza hut, a drive... all these will show them how you love to spend time with them.
•One to one attention: Take time to spend time with your child. They enjoy one to one sessions. This makes them feel important. Like helping you in shopping, baking a cake, trying a new recipe.
• Be their biggest fan: Be present in their activities. Like sports, annual day, competitions. Show them how proud you are of them and their efforts they took. Cheer them!
• Smile, hug, praise: This will message them you are their biggest fan.
• Catch your child being good: Find reasons to praise them every day for cooperating, helping, getting good grades and so on.
• Show support in their interest and activities: sometimes they don’t match your expectation. Keep your disappointments to yourself.
• They need to know they are lived every day: With your words and actions treat them with respect and with love. No matter what, whether they do well or not, love them with no conditions. How you love them and treat them conveys they are lovable and valuable.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
MORE ON SELF ESTEEM
One way to enhance self esteem in children is to use positive words and sentences when commenting upon the child’s small achievements. It has a terrific impact on children, particularly when it comes from a parent. When Preeth could not do his project well his mother boosted his morale by making him realize that his attempt to do it all alone itself was indeed a great achievement.
Self-esteem is built when parents recognize a child’s efforts to achieve. Whether they achieve or not is a different matter, what is more important is their attempts to succeed. Let them make mistakes; as a parent, your role is to boost their morale to coax them to try again.
With patience and positive approach and encouragement children can master basic skills. Like tying shoes, making bed, arranging the books in their bag. All these help them to approach other areas in confidence, as they know they have been successful in other areas.
Leave them alone to do or make something. Demonstrate how to make tea or an omelet. Let them do it on their own, avoid going into the kitchen to complete their task or you will leave them to think they can’t make it. They will mess up, it is a way to learn, and no one is born an expert. Didn’t you mess up when you learn t and did something for the first time? Have patience; let them clear up the mess.
Though it will take time, your patience will be rewarded. By trying again and again they get the message that obstacles can be overcome, and they tend to gain confidence.
They will be thankful to travel on the road they will take with confidence.
"Parent’s guide to what a child should know to develop Self Esteem "
These are some of the vital aspects that enhance your child’s self esteem. Sit with your child and let her know how important they are in building self esteem and confidence in her. Tell her how important they are and encourage her to do put these into practice:
• Focus on your strength: Write down a list of all your positive points. Like, i am a good singer, i draw well; i am love able, i am humorous and many more to add. And to believe in these. Working on them helps to improve your self esteem.
• Think positively: Tell yourself everything is possible. And train your mind to think positively. Take problems as challenges, challenges as obstacles which you can over come. And when you overcome them, your attitude becomes more positive.
• Motivate yourself: Pat on your back each time you have achieved something, however small... Push yourself often by saying,” I CAN, I WILL”. Set realistic achievable goals. When you motivate your self, you are able to focus on your goal.
• Learn from your mistakes: Remind yourself that mistakes are opportunities to improve and grow. Take a positive approach when you make a mistake, and believe you have learn t something. I believe any negative lesson you experience has a positive end.
• You become what you think of your self: Change your thoughts. Use affirmations, as many times as you can, and believe and visualize them as you want.”I am brilliant”, “I am confident”, “I am mentally and emotionally strong”, “I love and accept myself,.”I am a winner.” When you say the affirmations, you are in a position to manage any situation.
• Believe you are unique: You are different from the rest. Appreciate your capabilities, be proud of yourself. Think differently. If they can, you can do better.
Self-esteem is built when parents recognize a child’s efforts to achieve. Whether they achieve or not is a different matter, what is more important is their attempts to succeed. Let them make mistakes; as a parent, your role is to boost their morale to coax them to try again.
With patience and positive approach and encouragement children can master basic skills. Like tying shoes, making bed, arranging the books in their bag. All these help them to approach other areas in confidence, as they know they have been successful in other areas.
Leave them alone to do or make something. Demonstrate how to make tea or an omelet. Let them do it on their own, avoid going into the kitchen to complete their task or you will leave them to think they can’t make it. They will mess up, it is a way to learn, and no one is born an expert. Didn’t you mess up when you learn t and did something for the first time? Have patience; let them clear up the mess.
Though it will take time, your patience will be rewarded. By trying again and again they get the message that obstacles can be overcome, and they tend to gain confidence.
They will be thankful to travel on the road they will take with confidence.
"Parent’s guide to what a child should know to develop Self Esteem "
These are some of the vital aspects that enhance your child’s self esteem. Sit with your child and let her know how important they are in building self esteem and confidence in her. Tell her how important they are and encourage her to do put these into practice:
• Focus on your strength: Write down a list of all your positive points. Like, i am a good singer, i draw well; i am love able, i am humorous and many more to add. And to believe in these. Working on them helps to improve your self esteem.
• Think positively: Tell yourself everything is possible. And train your mind to think positively. Take problems as challenges, challenges as obstacles which you can over come. And when you overcome them, your attitude becomes more positive.
• Motivate yourself: Pat on your back each time you have achieved something, however small... Push yourself often by saying,” I CAN, I WILL”. Set realistic achievable goals. When you motivate your self, you are able to focus on your goal.
• Learn from your mistakes: Remind yourself that mistakes are opportunities to improve and grow. Take a positive approach when you make a mistake, and believe you have learn t something. I believe any negative lesson you experience has a positive end.
• You become what you think of your self: Change your thoughts. Use affirmations, as many times as you can, and believe and visualize them as you want.”I am brilliant”, “I am confident”, “I am mentally and emotionally strong”, “I love and accept myself,.”I am a winner.” When you say the affirmations, you are in a position to manage any situation.
• Believe you are unique: You are different from the rest. Appreciate your capabilities, be proud of yourself. Think differently. If they can, you can do better.
Monday, April 4, 2011
SELF ESTEEM
Self esteem starts to develop very early in life. It starts from the time the child covers the development milestones, falling, rolling, and slipping... yet not yielding. They develop their self esteem by evaluating and reviewing messages received during their interaction with people around them such as parents, teachers, peers and so on. Of these parental involvement is the most important one in developing a child’s self-esteem.
During their formative years children get to traverse several uncharted territories... like the first time they go to school or play a game. Children with a high sense of self esteem moved ahead confidently through these phases whereas children with low self esteem will hesitate to venture into anything new and even speak negatively about themselves, like ‘I am stupid’ or ‘ I can’t do it’ and so on. They give up easily and would always wait for someone to take charge of them, whereas a child with high self esteem would easily tide over challenges and do things independently. They are optimistic and don’t label themselves. They believe they are able, accepted, wanted, having choices and capable of understanding. They involve in all activities.
Some children, with flawed self esteem, protect themselves with a mask which others want them to be. This is done to gain love and recognition from others who are important for his survival. This continues even when they become adults. It could also be that the child wanted to be like someone, so he pretends to be like that person who he has not yet become. This makes the child alienated from the person who he truly is. This is called ‘an adapted self’.
Even at this stage, there is room for change and preview. Find out which group your child belongs and help him to develop his self-esteem.
Read more on self esteem in the next posting
During their formative years children get to traverse several uncharted territories... like the first time they go to school or play a game. Children with a high sense of self esteem moved ahead confidently through these phases whereas children with low self esteem will hesitate to venture into anything new and even speak negatively about themselves, like ‘I am stupid’ or ‘ I can’t do it’ and so on. They give up easily and would always wait for someone to take charge of them, whereas a child with high self esteem would easily tide over challenges and do things independently. They are optimistic and don’t label themselves. They believe they are able, accepted, wanted, having choices and capable of understanding. They involve in all activities.
Some children, with flawed self esteem, protect themselves with a mask which others want them to be. This is done to gain love and recognition from others who are important for his survival. This continues even when they become adults. It could also be that the child wanted to be like someone, so he pretends to be like that person who he has not yet become. This makes the child alienated from the person who he truly is. This is called ‘an adapted self’.
Even at this stage, there is room for change and preview. Find out which group your child belongs and help him to develop his self-esteem.
Read more on self esteem in the next posting
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Learn To Appreciate Your Child
When you, as a parent, start appreciating your child, you are in a way helping him grow. You are helping him develop his self-esteem. Most of us are quick to criticize and slow to praise. When there’s a whole world out there that would tell them what’s wrong with them, very loud and very often, don’t you think our job as parents is to reverse this order? And tell them what is right about them? Even for a little thing as your child’s handwriting not being sufficiently legible, haven’t you found yourself screaming at him; instead of finding ways to improve upon? Many of us do, not realizing the damages we are causing to the child’s self esteem.
Once when my friend Reena visited her daughter Tina’s School, her teacher told her how poorly and sloppily she wrote, and she needed to improve her handwriting. Reena felt ashamed by the teacher’s comments. At home, Reena kept repeating what the teacher told her almost every day to Tina. One day Tina had to write a note to the teacher, in which she did not place her signature. When Reena asked her why, Tina said rather resignedly that the teacher would easily know who the note is from, by looking at the handwriting. Tina had accepted for herself that her writing was poor and nothing could be done about it! Reena then realised how damaging her repeated admonitions have been on the poor child! Instead of giving her hope she had in a way destroyed her morale. Thereafter, she saw to it that each night when Tina showed her transcription, she would find one neat sentence or at least one word that has been legibly written and give her a word of appreciation. Such little pats on the shoulder started showing results. In a few weeks her handwriting had improved so well that the teacher had to call the mother and convey her appreciation for the child’s efforts!
Instead of evaluating, try to describe what you see. Along with basic necessities of life, we as parents have other obligations too towards our children and one such important obligation is to affirm their “rightness”, the things that they do right.
Avoid expecting quick results. Or find out the reason why your child is not able to perform well.
Each day, remember to appreciate at least one good thing your child does. When your child comes to you to earn your appreciation, words like ‘wonderful’ or ‘excellent’ may not be sink in so well in the child’s mind. Instead, be explicit. Describe to the child clearly and precisely how well the child has performed so that he believes your comments are genuine. It is so do-able.
Involve yourself by looking, listening, noticing and saying aloud what you see and feel. This is to give the child a verbal snapshot of himself. This is more effective as it will bring out your child’s strengths. You would also be giving him the “I CAN” feeling! If he can, he will!
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http://parentsarise.blogspot.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Follow your Passion
Did you fall into a rut even after discovering your passion, as the situation demanded it? Or were you persuaded to opt for a profession as you could not pursue your passion? How frustrating it would have been if you were tied to a job you never liked. When this happens our personal growth, happiness and development is destroyed and it paves way to a much unfulfilled life and unhappiness. Would you like to go to a job uninspired and dead? Where every Monday morning is a torture and the week ahead stretches on interminably.
Identify your passion which will make you happy in life. This will be rewarding, a life filled with promises and hopes. Leading a life you love is important. So follow your passion.
We have our dreams for our children. Have you ever thought they too have their own dreams and thoughts? We love to tell others that our children are Doctors or Engineers in the US or USA. And dream of seeing the tag along their name. The society also puts pressure on us with regard to this. When we are unable to fulfill our dreams ourselves we embed our dreams into our children.
It is never too late to begin thinking of your child’s future. There are children who realise their passion and start to work at it early in life. Help them to discover their inner potential. Direct and open communication with your child is important. Encourage wholesome development: get them interested in arts, sports and creative activities. Coax them to join music classes, take swimming lessons, collect stamps, coins or artifacts, and so on. Children may not be aware of this when they are too young. You will have to introduce them to it. Expose them to different activities and choices as much as possible. Support and encourage them. Sometimes, along the way they could falter or fail. This may disappoint them and you. But they need to taste failures as well. They may try and succeed again or change to another hobby or a different course. Yet, you as parents know that you have done your role well.
By allowing them to explore and discover their talents, they can make their own choices or at least be aware of what they are capable of. That discovery would define their inner passion and inspire them to follow it in their life.
Did you fall into a rut even after discovering your passion, as the situation demanded it? Or were you persuaded to opt for a profession as you could not pursue your passion? How frustrating it would have been if you were tied to a job you never liked. When this happens our personal growth, happiness and development is destroyed and it paves way to a much unfulfilled life and unhappiness. Would you like to go to a job uninspired and dead? Where every Monday morning is a torture and the week ahead stretches on interminably.
Identify your passion which will make you happy in life. This will be rewarding, a life filled with promises and hopes. Leading a life you love is important. So follow your passion.
We have our dreams for our children. Have you ever thought they too have their own dreams and thoughts? We love to tell others that our children are Doctors or Engineers in the US or USA. And dream of seeing the tag along their name. The society also puts pressure on us with regard to this. When we are unable to fulfill our dreams ourselves we embed our dreams into our children.
It is never too late to begin thinking of your child’s future. There are children who realise their passion and start to work at it early in life. Help them to discover their inner potential. Direct and open communication with your child is important. Encourage wholesome development: get them interested in arts, sports and creative activities. Coax them to join music classes, take swimming lessons, collect stamps, coins or artifacts, and so on. Children may not be aware of this when they are too young. You will have to introduce them to it. Expose them to different activities and choices as much as possible. Support and encourage them. Sometimes, along the way they could falter or fail. This may disappoint them and you. But they need to taste failures as well. They may try and succeed again or change to another hobby or a different course. Yet, you as parents know that you have done your role well.
By allowing them to explore and discover their talents, they can make their own choices or at least be aware of what they are capable of. That discovery would define their inner passion and inspire them to follow it in their life.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Do you know your childs passion?
Every child has a passion..Your child may enjoy a favorite pastime, he need not be talented in it, but people often work hard at passion.Just because they enjoy it.So that eventually it becomes a passion. Still in the end it should not be all about winning or being the best at something.Its about finding activity that makes your child happy.
Friday, April 2, 2010
REASONS WHY SO MANY CHILDREN DISOBEY
Reasons why so many children disobey is that they frequently hear the word "DON'T" -the brain steps over the word don't -as it is not a verb or a noun that can be pictured. The brain goes to the rest of the message, then it might return to the word don't by negating the entire message, so dear, dear parents please make sure, next time you avoid using this word and you tell your little one, what exactly you want them to do.All the BEST, get going.
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