Learn To Appreciate Your Child

When you, as a parent, start appreciating your child, you are in a way helping him grow. You are helping him develop his self-esteem. Most of us are quick to criticize and slow to praise. When there’s a whole world out there that would tell them what’s wrong with them, very loud and very often, don’t you think our job as parents is to reverse this order? And tell them what is right about them? Even for a little thing as your child’s handwriting not being sufficiently legible, haven’t you found yourself screaming at him; instead of finding ways to improve upon? Many of us do, not realizing the damages we are causing to the child’s self esteem.

Once when my friend Reena visited her daughter Tina’s School, her teacher told her how poorly and sloppily she wrote, and she needed to improve her handwriting. Reena felt ashamed by the teacher’s comments. At home, Reena kept repeating what the teacher told her almost every day to Tina. One day Tina had to write a note to the teacher, in which she did not place her signature. When Reena asked her why, Tina said rather resignedly that the teacher would easily know who the note is from, by looking at the handwriting. Tina had accepted for herself that her writing was poor and nothing could be done about it! Reena then realised how damaging her repeated admonitions have been on the poor child! Instead of giving her hope she had in a way destroyed her morale. Thereafter, she saw to it that each night when Tina showed her transcription, she would find one neat sentence or at least one word that has been legibly written and give her a word of appreciation. Such little pats on the shoulder started showing results. In a few weeks her handwriting had improved so well that the teacher had to call the mother and convey her appreciation for the child’s efforts!

Instead of evaluating, try to describe what you see. Along with basic necessities of life, we as parents have other obligations too towards our children and one such important obligation is to affirm their “rightness”, the things that they do right.

Avoid expecting quick results. Or find out the reason why your child is not able to perform well.

Each day, remember to appreciate at least one good thing your child does. When your child comes to you to earn your appreciation, words like ‘wonderful’ or ‘excellent’ may not be sink in so well in the child’s mind. Instead, be explicit. Describe to the child clearly and precisely how well the child has performed so that he believes your comments are genuine. It is so do-able.

Involve yourself by looking, listening, noticing and saying aloud what you see and feel. This is to give the child a verbal snapshot of himself. This is more effective as it will bring out your child’s strengths. You would also be giving him the “I CAN” feeling! If he can, he will!

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